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I enjoy watching frogs lounge in our pool, as well as our dogs attempting to figure out whether they should be hunting the frog or its shadow. When still, both the frog and its shadow are clear. But as soon as the frog takes off, ripples appear in the water and obscure the now-morphing, moving shadow.

There are lots of shadows in our lives, usually relating to things we fear, things we regret, or emotional baggage that weighs us down. Like real shadows, they are only a reflection of who we are or have been, not who we can be. If we want to be someone different and better, we must make the ripples or waves in the waters of life by taking action and moving towards something new and/or away from the past. That’s how we move closer to our goals and continue to grow, not treading water and dwelling on things we cannot change.

What waves will you make today?

#change #action #clarity …

I was in Boston recently and couldn’t help myself from ducking into their massive public library’s reading room. It is, of course, quiet, but also beautiful and full of intricate details to catch the eye. It’s not particularly luxurious. The chairs, as you can see, are wooden and unpadded. Because this is a place to think and learn, not to fall asleep. A place that inspires imagination rather than complacency.

We may not have the skills to create a physical space like this, but we can crate space spaces wherever we are to encourage those around us to stop, think, dream and aspire to greater things. This could be as simple as quiet places with a door for focused work, afternoons where no meetings or calls are scheduled, digital free time, encouraging learning, or even taking a call while walking to fuel the senses and refresh the body.

What small space for aspiration can you create today for yourself or others?

#aspire #space #timeout #reading …

I attended undergrad on a music scholarship, despite being a business major. I was interested in international business and had been studying French and decided to pursue a year abroad in France. Until I learned my scholarship wouldn`t apply and might not be waiting for me when I returned, either. That fear froze me from even looking into other options to control my college costs. I still regret not having taken the leap.

Hindsight is nice, but what we need in the moment when chasing our goals is the courage to move beyond our fears. To take the first scary step. Sure, things may not work out as we`d like, but we usually wind up just wishing things had turned out differently, rather than regretting having tried something new and exciting. We grow from exercising courage.

Regret is a nastier thing and often leads to stagnation. Once we don`t take the leap, we always wonder what might have happened. What if it HAD turned out as we wanted? What if our fears were (as is usually the case) larger in our minds than in reality?

Fears are usually short-lived, but regrets are forever.

What fear can you overcome today to take a leap into a new opportunity for growth and avoid the regret of what might have been?

#fear #regret #opportunity …

Growing up on a farm, we had ancient-looking steel hooks with a handle to more easily pick up bales of hay. Simple, but effective. The device in this picture is the modern version, but look closely and you`ll see it`s the same medieval hooks, harnessed together and enabled by hydraulics. Same tool, but made easier and more effective. (No doubt the mutt mini-farm dog also helps lighten the load.)

You know what you want. You have the basic tools to make progress towards your goals. And yet sometimes you may not actually take those needed steps. One reason may be that starting is hard. Willpower only lasts so long or can do so much. There`s no progress without action.

One of the quickest ways to make progress is to make starting easier. To automate your tools (in this case, your habits) to reduce reliance on willpower.

Lay out the workout clothes the night before so it`s easier to put them in in the morning and go to the gym.

Stock the fridge and pantry with healthy food so they`re easier to grab.

Block out time on your calendar for YOUR priorities before the time is consumed with the priorities of others.

You get the idea. None of these are new, yet we forget about them and wonder why our progress isn`t what we would like it to be.

What`s a habit or routine you can make easier?

#tools #habits #automate #progress …

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to ride on a private club car that ran from 1912-1984 on the same route I take now, albeit on a much-less luxurious and private train car. It was a fun scene, with train enthusiasts dressing up for the occasion and serving as conductors/docents, kids staring wide-eyed and squealing in delight, everyone snapping pictures, and overall excitement at seeing something out of the ordinary.

My Dad was a train buff; I’m not. But I like to travel, love history and enjoy the idea of walking in the steps of others. And I’m curious. So I jumped at the chance when I read about this in the local newspaper.

Even (or perhaps especially) when we’re focused on achieving our goals, we may shut out opportunities to learn and explore. Crazily enough, taking time away from the slog to experience something totally different improves our performance when we return. It provides our brain with new ideas, new connections and creates new ways forward where we might be stuck. It can also allow us to simultaneously rest and recharge.

What’s a small way you can find to explore your curiosity? To play? To experience awe? To begin to wonder as you wander?

#curiosity #antiboredom #refresh #recharge #play …

We are assailed by all the things we “should” do. The shoulds are usually driven by external forces and societal pressures. Who we think we need to be, but not necessarily who we want to be. When we organize our lives based on the shoulds, we are generally responding to extrinsic rather than intrinsic rewards. Volumes of research have shown, though, that it is intrinsic rewards that truly reward and motivate us and lead to greater satisfaction in life.

I know I should, obviously, go to work. I probably also should exercise more. I should foster deeper connections. And I should and should and should. And these are all important. So what to do?

Pivot from what you “should” do today to who you “would” like to be and what you “will” do today to get there. For example, I would like to help develop my team, so I will be intentional, engaged and productive in these specific ways today. I would like to live a longer, healthier life to pursue my goals of exploring the world, so I will make time for yoga or a run today. I would like to have deep, fulfilling connections, so I will reach out to at least two friends today to let them know I’m thinking about then. You get the idea.

By focusing on the future and who we want to be, we can take control of our days to convert should into something meaningful, motivating and satisfying.

Who would you like to be and what will you do today to move in that direction?

#should #would #will #mindset #futurefocus …

Rules are designed to encourage certain types of behavior and discourage others. Many are helpful – like ensuring we all know to stop at a stop sign and thus prevent accidents and injury. Many others are simply annoying, seeming to have no legitimate purpose. (I’m sure you can come up with a lot of examples of these.)

Many “rules,” though, are just social constructs to create uniformity and conformity within groups. They’re not required by law or even company policy. They’re merely the price to pay for admission to a group so that we feel we belong and as humans, we’re wired to connection and belonging.
These are the types of rules that can hold back growth if we’re not paying attention. Do we want to belong so much to a certain group that we’re willing to refrain from being who we are or pursuing our goals? This is not junior high where we want the cool kids to like us. No, this is life as an adult and we have agency if we choose to exercise it.

If we want to live a life in keeping with our unique purpose, we must examine the rules that frustrate that purpose and, instead, create new rules for how we operate. They may be as simple as, “I must show up as my authentic self.” But when we tie them to our purpose, they become powerful forces for driving us to the people and opportunities that will help us grow.

Have you traded in your purpose for inclusion in a group? Are you following rules or making them? What new rules will help you live in alignment with your purpose?

#purpose #rules #authenticity …

I adore hummingbirds. But the more I watch them, the more I realize they’re not as sweet as I imagine. Like most of us, they struggle to defend the turf that they’ve managed to build or claim for themselves. I see them fighting with other hummingbirds at the feeder (which the camera can’t seem to catch), not unlike how we try to stake out an area as “ours” in our work, family or community. They’re great, but perfectly imperfect to an outsider.

When you think of someone you really admire in life, recognize that the greatness you see in them is both because they’ve overcome challenges to be who they are, AND that they still have weaknesses. Then reflect on all that you have overcome and how you’ve grown and recognize that you also have greatness within you.

#perspective #greatness #weakness #growth …

It’s not news that social media provides the opportunity to define who we want the world to see, even when that may not be reflective of our day-to-day reality. We’re humans, so we tend to show the positives and keep the less glamorous or painful events of our lives hidden. But remember that this is also what the people you follow also do. There are amazing people who have extraordinary talent in a particular area, but no one has talent or success in all areas. Perhaps they’re great at whatever their job is, but they may struggle as a parent or with working out or with myriad other things we mere mortals struggle with. Because they are also mere mortals.

So this is just a public service reminder to not let your scrolling bring your energy down because your life doesn’t seem as great as those of your friends or heroes. Instead, the next time you are about to start scrolling, take a moment to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Realize that your life is full of blessings, some small, some larger. Then set the intent to be happy for the success of others once you’re grounded in who you are. Or scroll an album of your own favorite photos. Either way, you’ll come away with a more positive and balanced view before you get back to work and life.

#control #optimism #perspective #gratitude …

The plant in the center of this photo is poison ivy. If you’ve never encountered it before, I’d encourage you to keep that distance because, as its name indicates, such a meeting would be unpleasant. Yet it looks great – even healthier and glossier than the perennial next to it that I have been carefully tending to for years.

I can blame the poison ivy for being “bad” or become angry when I get to close to it and regret having done so. But it doesn’t care. It’s not going to apologize because it is doing what IT needs to do to grow and thrive. It would just be a waste of my time and energy and cause me more stress.

Don’t we do that with other toxins in our life, though? We get angry at the guy who cuts us off on the highway. Irritated by the unhealthy relationships we stay in. Annoyed by the colleague who takes credit for our work. Hurt by lies told about us. You could add many other things to this list. But with all of them, the other party has probably already moved on. They may not have realized what they have done. But it’s unlikely that they’ll figure out that perhaps they should apologize.

I’d suggest the following to take back control of your energy and growth journey:

• Stop and see the toxin.
• Label it and your emotions.
• Determine whether there is a way to steer clear of the toxin in the future.
• Choose how you want to move on, rather than staying in place waiting for the apology that will never come.

#moveon #toxins #label #takecontrol …

I was recently advised to use weights in slightly different ways to increase bone density as I age. For example, wearing a weighted vest while walking and doing different exercises with free weights that require my spine to bear more weight. Okay, makes sense. Because the right amount of additional weight used in a specific manner helps our bodies strengthen and grow.

But here’s the thing – those weights are meant to be temporary. It’s weight training, not weights all the time. We have to put the weights down to allow the body to recover and repair.

In life, we often forget to set down our burdens. Just as we plan and track our workouts in the gym, we need to plan what tasks and burdens we take on at work, at home and in our communities. To add in rest days. To challenge ourselves without overburdening ourselves. To review our progress and to change our routine when our growth is stagnating or we are injured.

Is something weighing you down that you need to set aside?

Are you saying yes to the right types of new stress and pressure?

How will you flex your change muscles today?

#burden #stress #routine #strength #rest #recover …

I was surprised and delighted to find a praying mantis among the weeds in the garden last week. They’re a gardener’s friend as they feed on pests that can cause damage to desired plants. They’re also difficult to spot as they blend right in as you can see with this one.

Surprises (good or bad) pop up all the time. We cannot, of course, train for the specific surprise itself or it wouldn’t be a surprise. But we can train ourselves for flexibility, resilience and a more positive outcome for whatever may arise. Here are a few examples.

Be curious. When we consciously pay attention to what is around us, we see things that may surprise us. The more we get used to seeing and responding to something unusual, the less alarming it may be when surprises surface in other areas of our lives.

Expose yourself to new ideas and experiences. This takes you a bit out of your comfort zone, yet the decision to do so is within your control. It prepares you for responding when a surprise pushes you out of your comfort zone.

Practice meditation or mindfulness. These practices can help you stay calm in the moment and also increase your resilience because they can also strengthen your parasympathetic nervous system.

Learn some deep breathing exercises. Similar to meditation, deep breathing exercises help you move out of flight or fight mode and recover from stressful surprises.

What are some other ways to train for surprises? Are you flexing your surprise muscles today?

#surprises #preparation #training #exposuretherapy #comfort zone …

I’m never sure exactly what I will encounter while doing garden work. Yes, there will be weeds, but there may also be blooms, unidentified plants, critters, damage of critters and more.

One surprise this past weekend was this cluster of bright bugs crawling on the milkweed we have allowed to grow to feed the monarch butterflies. I hadn’t seen these before and wasn’t sure if they were good or bad for the garden, so I looked them up. They’re large milkweed bugs. Yes, that’s the description and the name.

Life is full of things that we don’t expect. How we name those things matters. Is something a change or an opportunity? A surprise or a shock. A loss or a learning? All are valid, but choosing how we literally name something that has happened or is going on allows us to take stock of the situation and take a step back to frame to respond in a way that embraces optimism and growth.

Change may not be a choice, but our response to it is, which increases our sense of agency and control even in the midst of turbulent times.

#change #perspective #naming #framing #optimism #choice …

Gratitude is all the rage, and for good reason. Numerous studies show the benefits to mental and physical health of having a gratitude practice, from decreasing depression and increasing positive emotions to increasing immunity.

The funny things is, the more we dwell on what we’re grateful for, the more we seem to have to be grateful for. It forces us to, even in the worst of times, realize there are blessings in our lives. Maybe it’s a supportive friend, a kind word or act from a stranger, a beautiful deer in the woods, or just being able to pay the bills and have a non-leaking roof over our heads.

It’s the exact opposite of wallowing in a negative emotion, where we get sucked down deeper into negativity. And the great thing about gratitude is we don’t really even need to do anything other taking a moment or two to think about and feel gratitude. That said, the benefits of gratitude are multiplied when we take action on our gratitude and let others know that we are thankful for them and what they do. Then they feel happier and appreciated and everyone benefits.

Who are you grateful for? Have you told them? Perhaps today’s the right day to add more positivity to your outlook.

#gratitude #optimism #reachout #multipliereffect …